It’s Father’s Day again and once more I think back over the years and
the lessons that I have learned.
There’s
a Bible verse which promises, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) Now
with all due respect to the writer of that wonderful verse in Proverbs, after
raising four children I might add to it, “Train up a Dad in the way that he should have
gone in the first place, and when he is old he will remember the lessons.” I have found that most of the lessons to be learned are the Dad's.
I
sometimes marvel that I made it through those years. There were many wonderful
moments but some filled with anguish, bewilderment, impatience, anger, self
righteousness, hubris, and finally love. I love our daughters and sometimes
they weren’t angels, but I think being the father of a son is a more difficult
task, and I have a doozy, named Kevin.
My
wife and I just returned from visiting with him in Charlotte, North Carolina
earlier this week. We hadn't seen him
for quite a while and we particularly wanted to see the new store, " Carolina Furniture and Collectables" that he opened
recently. A few months ago, after
years of doing almost every job imaginable, he finally settled on opening up a
furniture and collectibles store and it is something to see. I was so proud to
see him in that environment and delighted with all that he has accomplished.
Now
I have always known that Kevin is an indomitable sort. He is innovative and
imaginative. Who else but Kevin could pull this off. Having returned to the United States from my
home in Kuwait for a very short visit just to get married, Gail and I were in our
hotel room in Las Vegas the evening following the civil ceremony. The phone rang in our hotel room and it was
Kevin calling to say Congratulations.
That may not sound too unusual but he had no idea where we were staying,
and there are quite a few hotels in Las Vegas, like a million!!!
While
I was a little disturbed at him calling on our wedding night, I was secretly
sort of proud that he was able to pull a Sherlock Holmes and find us in that
maze of hotels when no one in the world knew where we were. A resourceful salesman type, like his Dad!!!!
Kevin
has always been adroit and imaginative, though.
Fathers’ Day tradition brought back memories of when he was pre-teen
while we were living in Melrose Mass.
Maybe all Dads have stuff like this happening but Kev is my only
son. One day we returned home from a
trip to the grocery to find a large mirror in shreds on the floor. We had left the four children there by
themselves trusting Melanie, the oldest, to run a tight ship. Seeing the shattered mirror
on the floor and going into third-degree questioning mode finally resulted in a
confession from that self-same son!! He
reluctantly admitted that he had done it,
but, with an ingenious bent, responded that he was throwing a shoe at
his older sister, and she had ducked!! So
it was her fault. Fair enough. That
explains everything!!
A
few years and many other indescribable escapades later, at about age 12 he had gone to a party, a
short walk 2 blocks up East Foster Street.
He left home at about seven o’clock and we were surprised that he was
home just after eight PM. He was obviously distressed. In full Dad Confessor mode, I got him aside
and asked what had happened. He said that
shortly after he arrived at the party they served refreshments in the party
room in the basement. The parents then
had gone upstairs and left the group of about 16 boys and girls alone in the
basement. When the parents were gone,
someone turned off most of the lights and boys and girls sort of paired up and
started playing kissing games. WOW.
Getting juicy!! I asked if he had
kissed any girls. He indignantly replied
“NO”. “What did you do?” I asked innocently. He said, “I ate all of the sandwiches and
came home!!” TRULY his Dad’s boy!!
But
the supreme example of resourcefulness might have occured one day some years
earlier when we lived in Melrose Massachusetts. The family was attending a swim meet where
two of our daughters were competing. The
YMCA was only about 2 blocks from our house and my son decided he wanted to
stay home. We gave him ORDERS not to
leave the house.
Part
way through the swim meet everything came to a halt, there was a bustle of
activity and all swimmers were called out of the water. Amid much seeming confusion, we observed the
officials having conversations and scanning the audience with concerned looks.
The meet was at a dead stop.
Then
one of the officials went to the microphone and made a hurried
announcement. “We just received a call
and there is an EMERGENCY!! Will Mr. or
Mrs. Collins call home immediately?!!” With Kevin’s face coming up on my ‘Dad Worry
Screen’ I thought “WHAT NOW”, I ran down to the pay phone and called home.
Kevin answered calmly. I screamed into
the phone, “Are you alright? What’s the problem? What’s going on?”
Kevin
nonchalantly said, “Oh Hi Dad, thanks
for calling. Is it all right if I go across the street to
Robert’s house to play?” Now, here I
was, my heart beating fast, the officials peering down the hall anxiously
awaiting word as to what could possibly have caused this emergency call,
interrupting the City Swim Meet, where hundreds of people were gathered, I
tried to look cool. After calming
myself, deciding to postpone the kick in the pants that I promised was in his
future, then telling Kevin it was all right to go too Robert’s house, I turned
to the officials and assured them that everything had settled down and the
emergency had passed. Still shaking my head weeks later I had to admit that the
boy had all the instincts of a first rate salesman and would probably meet
world famous sales professional and inspirational speaker Zig Zigler at the Top someday. He would definitely be able to get through to
a CEO to make a sale with that kind of courage and creative thinking.
Over
the years I have learned to use some of these experiences to examine life and its lessons more from a
spiritual viewpoint. That special
relationship of Dad and Son has eternal
roots. It applies to daughters too of
course, but in this case let me talk about sons.
Now
about training up the father, being a good Dad
is about doing our best, about learning love, about learning trust, about seeing
through the human frailties, the errors, mistakes and temptations that would so
easily distract us from our true heritage... and about forgiveness. When I
see people using genealogy research to find out their family
line, their human heritage, I am reminded how temporal this mortal existence is and that our true heritage is in God, the
perfect Father. As a matter of fact Jesus said: “Call no man your father upon
the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.” But I can see how the earthly father/son
relationship parallels the true eternal relationship of Father/Son… The loving,
caring, respect… the guiding, the listening, the joy and trust.
I
gladly relinquish the name of father to my Heavenly Father, Kevin’s
real Father and everyone’s real Father, and gratefully settle for being called Dad,
the Dad that loves his son and his daughters and has learned a lifetime of
lessons from being blessed by their presence. Thanks Kids, for being all that a dad could ask for!!
7 comments:
Enjoyed reading your latest, Patrick. If raising (excuse me, rearing) children doesn't teach life's lessons, what does?
I still think you need a weekly column in your local newspaper, so colorful are our essays.
Happy Father's Day...
Sharon
Oops, a typo -- "so colorful are your essays."
YOU ARE AWESOME -- and I hearby nominate you for the Dad-of-the-year-award!
Funny and touching post, and a great reminder of our REAL Father and the wonders of that parent-child relationship.
I'm a star!!! Great story dad!!! Great trip down memory lane! You forgot the one about me ordering breakfast meat when we went on vacation. Stick orders were give. That nobody was to order bacon or sausage with their breakfasts, because we were on a vacation budget. Well, no sooner did the waitress ask for our order than I would blurt out two eggs scrambled with bacon and toast, and a large on too please! A quick glance in your direction, and I could see the blood rushing into your facial capillaries! It was ok, I had the waitress there and other eaters to ensure my safety. By the time we got to the car you would settle down enough that I knew I would live to see another day! Love you and am proud of your Blog and all the wisdom that you share.
One proud Son!!!!
Strict orders were given, large O.J.
For some unknown reason, I still LOVE that boy!!! Thanks Kevin, proud to be your Dad.. ALWAYS!!!!
Love you to dad!!!! Always! :-)
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