Lesson from the Leaves

The soft, mellow music of Nat King Cole’s velvet voice  drifted softly across the front porch where I was sitting in my rocking chair, enjoying the view of the sun setting behind the Blue Ridge  mountains in a lovely late afternoon sky. 

     

Click Here to listen... Autumn Leaves by King Cole

"The falling leaves drift by the window
 The autumn leaves of red and gold ….” 

And on it played to its beautiful conclusion…  “When autumn leaves start to fall”

The familiar words turned my thought back many years, to a time when the autumn leaves were falling, cascading down and covering the lawn on Jefferson Avenue in Chillicothe, Ohio, where a young boy had decided to help his Dad, a hard working father who was exhausted after an extra long night shift at the paper mill.

What had started out as a “Dad’s little helper” task was now turning into major disaster.  As a six year old, I had absolutely no idea that even well intentioned little “helpful tasks” could cause big problems.

It all started when I felt a little too big for my britches and decided to rake the fall leaves from the front yard.    I was so proud of myself for having raked the entire front yard, pulling the leaves with the big leaf rake out into the gutter.  Now that I had a huge pile about half the width of our lawn stacked high in the gutter and reaching out into the street, my last little task was to get rid of them.

Now it didn’t seem like a good idea to let my Dad know what I had planned, I wanted to surprise him with a “Well Dad, I took care of the leaves!” I could almost hear the inevitable praises… “What a good boy”. 

I slipped into the house and got a box of matches and went back out. It took a few tries as I had never lit a match before, finally, success! I had a match burning and I threw it into those dry leaves.   I was on my way!!

The fire actually grew faster than I had thought it would and the the flames started rising producing thick clouds of dirty white smoke.  In panic mode, I started raking vigorously covering up the flames,  need more leaves, raking faster and faster. “Surely if I get enough leaves on the fire it will be hidden.  Gotta cover it up quick!”

The fire just grew bigger and bigger, flames reaching higher and higher, smoke covering the neighborhood.  I was really frightened and wanted to keep my parents from seeing the fire. But….

Above the sound of my racing heart I heard a shout behind me.  Dad was no longer sleeping and was standing with Mom on the porch aghast at the site and fearing, I’m sure, that the whole neighborhood would go up in flames. Dad rushed out with the hose and together we fought the fire until Dad told me to get lost, and get out of his way.  As I recall he wasn’t smiling his usual happy smile.

After the fire was out and things calmed down especially my Dad, we had what Dad called a little instructional talk.  What he lacked in tact, he made up for in straightforwardness!!   I guess the most important thing  I took away from the lesson was: 

If you find yourself in a hole… STOP DIGGING!

In what became “The Lesson of the Leaves” to me, I learned at a young age the consequences of a “cover-up” and the necessity for honesty and openness.  Tragically today we so often see the disastrous results of attempts to cover up mistakes, errors and omissions, dishonesty, situations that would bring dishonor, embarrassment, even jail time by individuals, businesses and governments.

How hard the lesson we all must learn that a problem approached with humility and honesty when there is  wrong doing, hastens a solution and makes things so much easier on everyone.   Even in very insignificant dealings, complete honesty and openness are so healthy.  

It is fascinating to watch criminal defense attorneys being interviewed on TV, fiercely defending their clients, claiming their  innocence, maintaining that their client will be vindicated, notwithstanding that the defendant’s criminal act may have been captured on security cameras, in front of ten witnesses, leaving clear fingerprints and maybe had already confessed to the police!!   What a disservice to truth and honesty when people can blatantly tell something so obviously false.  

I recently saw a sign in front of a local church that said, “Prepare your tax returns as though someone was looking over your shoulder.”   I wanted to jump out of the car and change that sign to read:  “Always do everything in the most honest and truthful manner and you won’t need anyone looking over your shoulder!!  A clean conscience is a wonderful feeling!!”  And I have earned the right to do that through painful experience, “Right Dad?”!!!

The weight of guilt is heavy. For those who are humble enough to learn from others, especially the wisdom of the ages captured in what I call my Operator’s Manual, the Holy Bible, we can see examples of the effects of deceit, dishonesty and covering up or hiding unacceptable behavior.  While there are many examples, one of my favorites can be found in the record of Jacob.

Jacob and Esau were twins, the sons of Isaac and Rebekah.

When the time came for Isaac to bestow his blessing on his sons, Jacob and his mother contrived to deceive Isaac into blessing Jacob in Esau’s place, thereby giving Jacob the inheritance that was due his brother, as first born. . When Esau found that his blessing had been given to Jacob, he threatened to kill his brother, and Jacob was forced to leave home to go to another country to avoid Esau’s wrath.

When he finally decided to come home he was very frightened and in a sacred moment, when he turned his whole life over to God and asked forgiveness, he was relieved of the guilt. As he approached his brother Esau, who was coming to meet him, they rejoiced in each other and were at peace. Poor Jacob must have been fearful and guilt ridden all these years because he had tried to hide his sin.

Religious pioneer Mary Baker Eddy counsels in her book, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, “Honesty is spiritual power. Dishonesty is human weakness, which forfeits divine help.   You uncover sin, not in order to injure, but in order to bless the corporeal man; and a right motive has its reward."   Proverbs has it: “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy."

By opening the window shades and letting in the sunlight of truth we can put out the fire of guilt and enjoy a life of peace, honesty, purity, guiltless living. 

As leaf raking time approaches,  I am remembering the Lesson of the Leaves!!  And as the sun sets over the mountains and the music changes to Nat Cole singing “How High the Moon”, it’s time to go inside….

Breaking NEWS… We are “EXPECTING”!!!!

This news flash may shock some friends and family... but it is true!!

Oh, many of us have been through the “We’re EXPECTING” experience before… receiving the good news, buying a crib, bassinet, diapers, painting the room. Days filled with joyful anticipation. We know it will be good, exciting, a new page in our lives, new experiences, fun and laughter, joyous times.
But, to the undoubted relief of friends and family, this message is not about an addition to our family. It is about EXPECTING GOOD, anticipating God’s blessing, spiritual inspiration, love and kindness, new revelations of life’s secrets of happiness.

And it is a GOOD thing to be Expecting!!

Recently, watching the evening news on television it became apparent that there was a negative tilt to almost every story. It seemed that each report carried gloom and doom, broadcasting the dreary outlook that “there is no expected relief”, “a good outcome is not expected”, and promises that “things will undoubtedly get worse before they got better.”  They remind me of the statement from a 1913 novel by Eleanor Porter, Pollyanna... "When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will find it."

Some media reports seem to be more negative than others, their stories leaving one feeling helpless, discouraged, upset, while others, the more positive views seen in other sources may tell the same story but offer a brighter view, maybe offer possible solutions or positive steps we can take in light of the stories.

We may all know someone whose views reflect a worrisome attitude, always expecting the worst possible outcome, frowning and fretting over each situation.

I am inspired by the Expectations of professionals. It is hard  

to imagine a baseball pitcher going out to the pitcher’s mound expecting that everyone will hit a home run and that he will not strike anyone out.   Or picture a concert pianist taking the stage convinced that she will hit many wrong notes and disastrous results.… and we won’t even discuss the fisherman who is doubtful of landing “the big catch” and preparing thought to settle for empty nets at the end of the day! 

Turning to the Bible we can see how through the thousands of years wise men, prophets, even ordinary people in all walks of life EXPECTED GOOD, looked to God, the Creator, searching for Truth, expecting to see solutions and help take place in their lives. The story of the three Wise Men en route to the birth of Jesus demonstrated the lengths they were prepared to travel based on that Expectancy of Good, the promise of redemption, or  seeing God’s presence on the human scene. In stark contrast, Job, at the height of his discomfort and challenges lamented, “The thing that I most feared has come upon me.” I have always thought that Job’s lack of faith and expectation of God’s help precipitated his problems.

In another instance, a young boy destined to become King, courageous David, ran towards Goliath, a giant of overwhelming strength and experience, expecting God’s power to carry the day in this lopsided contest.    And, as Christ Jesus walked the hillsides and along the seaside, eager people gathered, expectantly, as recorded in Luke 8:40, “And it came to pass, that, when Jesus was returned, the people gladly received him: for they were all waiting for him.” Waiting for healing and uplift, confidently, and their high expectations paid off.

All good fisherman love the story of Jesus disciples

improving their "catch' by throwing their nets on the right side, the Expecting Good side of the boat!!
These examples of Expecting Good are not the result of Pollyanna  or “goody-goody” thinking, or a naive trust in Chance. They are documented proofs of the fact that God, Spirit, which is chronicled in the Bible in such terms as Mind, Love, and Truth… delivers nothing but good when we are faithfully listening and watching for signs of His presence.  Thoughts of doubt, discouragement, fear and uncertainty cloud the Divine purpose, make us miss the mark, (a definition of sin), and become obstacles to realizing God’s power and presence, available for us to use, right here!!But HOW does it work? Jesus set the example. He encouraged us to know and understand that we are God’s ideas that like rays from the sun carry the light and heat out from their source, so we are the emanation of God's qualities, the rays of goodness showering the earth.   For example: God is Love, and we are Love’s expression, here, in this place, right now!   God is Mind, and we are the outcome of that Mind, intelligent, aware, and alert.  God is Spirit, and we, His offspring are spiritual and eternal, not just little bundles of flesh running purposelessly through a span of time.  
Expectancy is the active application of faith, and we need not just sit back helplessly watching problems accumulate, feeling out of control, hiding from life, but we can actively participate, running forward like David did to meet Goliath carrying that expectancy that God is more powerful than evil. We can live the realization that we are the very evidence of God’s life and being and we can overthrow the claims of sin and disease, defeat the lies of corruption, infidelity lack… the plethora of problems that would rob us of our heritage as God’s loving ideas.
Jesus gave this counsel: “ If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."  Matt. 17:20

When we face each day with Expectation of Good as our outlook, Seeing Good as our Goal, our lives become

more active, more fruitful, and more productive. Racing out to meet the Goliath problems, getting on the mound to pitch a strikeout, sitting at the piano keyboard to play life’s classical tunes, just going out to LOVE and let our light shine, is today's challenge and opportunity!!Theologian Mary Baker Eddy set the stage for our anticipation of Good when she wrote in her book "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures",  “When the destination is desirable, expectation speeds our progress.”

A favorite hymn carries this promise, a promise proven over and over again in my own experience:

"We expect a bright tomorrow, all will be well;Faith can sing through days of sorrow, All must be well; 
While His truth we are applying, And upon His love relying,
God is every need supplying, All, all is well."*

*     Christian Science Hymnal 350

For those who have inquired about the book, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, referenced in some of my articles, here’s the information. This book is used in Bible study by students of Christian Science and people of many different faiths.

It explains the scientific laws behind the teachings and healings of Christ Jesus. From the first chapter, “Prayer,” to her exegeses of Genesis and Revelation, the author invites readers to deeply consider the allness of God, the perfection of man as God's spiritual creation, and how an understanding of these facts brings healing—just as it did in biblical times. For over 135 years, readers have testified that reading and studying this book has given them a spiritual sense of the Bible and their permanent relationship to God, and has also resulted in physical healing and spiritual uplift. For more information or to purchase this book, click here.

I Remember Notchey…

“What would you name a pet raccoon?’

A dear friend asked that question yesterday  as she told me that a raccoon had been sullying her garage and grounds, getting into everything, and reasoned that it was because her husband had been leaving food out for it. She is a hopeless animal lover and mused the question innocently, but it brought back memories.  

Well, I named my pet raccoon “Notchey”. Now she might technically not have been a household pet but she was precious. A dainty little girl, fleet of foot and with beautiful sparkling eyes, she was a charmer. She had a little notch in one ear, probably resulting from some scuffle with another animal and had survived with minor casualties so we named her Notchey.

We first met Notchey when she came to our kitchen door one night and I threw out a couple of pieces of bread. She returned often, timidly at first, but as the food got better, moving from stale bread steadily up the scale to meat and bones, the frequency of her visits increased in direct proportion. As our friendship progressed she became more confident and would come and knock on the back door in the early evening. 

Our relationship was almost ended prematurely by my "not so eager" wife who liked the raccoon, but more at a distance. One evening Dear Wife had been in another room and she came into the kitchen unexpectedly. Notchey and I just happened to be sitting together in the kitchen, chatting and sharing some pork chops. In all fairness, I can appreciate Gail's surprise but to me she really overreacted. You would have thought I had an elephant in there instead of a raccoon. Here you could paint a mental picture of loud screams, a frantic wife, a scared raccoon and Peacemaker Pat trying to calm everyone down and sort things out.

I will admit that no one had ever really explained to me that clearly about how horrible it was to have a raccoon in the kitchen, until Gail introduced the subject and spoke at some length in terse sentences, interjected by something that sounded like "I can't believe you let that THING in the house!!!" 

We didn't see Notchey for some weeks but then one night she came back and knocked at the back door. My heart was bubbling over as I looked out and saw Notchey with five little baby raccoons. She had given birth to darling little black eyed love bundles and brought them to visit us. We then knew why she hadn't been around much. 

FEEDING MY BABIES!

I hurried to rustle up some dinner for my guests and plopped down in the driveway feeding Notchey’s offspring while she looked on proudly, showing off her family to her friend. My neighbors thought I was crazy for getting so close to a raccoon but I love animals. I can just see my dear friend, our wonderful local Veterinarian, Doc Mitchell, the kindest animal lover in the world, peering with a raised eyebrow, giving me a quiet word of caution about dealing directly with wild animals.

Love for animals, that deep feeling of joy that they bring to so many people in the world is another proof that life is Love expressed, that above and beyond the threats and fears of this temporal dream of material existence, all creatures live in safety and harmony in the Divine Consciousness, in God, Mind.    And we can, at times, experience this kinship and sense of  “oneness” with all life right here, when we are open to seeing and listening spiritually.

True Love is always loving, always forgiving, always freeing. 

On the wall above my desk hangs a birthday gift from my forgiving wife, a very large picture, a professional photo of the most beautiful little raccoon face staring down, watching over me as I write. 

And I remember Notchey.

Dad and the Pope and the Pope

"He is complete simplicity; down to Earth, a man with the people. I know him," a CBS News Vatican consultant told CBS News shortly after Pope Francis appeared. On that exciting day recently the world's 1.2 billion Catholics welcomed a new leader. He will be known henceforth as Pope Francis Bergoglio's chosen name, Francis, a nod to the patron saint of Italy, Saint Francis of Assisi.

I am not of the Catholic faith but I watched with a warm heart and admiration for this humble man as he took office and immediately demonstrated that he was his own man, not necessarily tied to convention as he put his own imprimatur on the office.

All of the talk about the Pope brought to mind the excitement of a day years ago, a day when I met another Pope.  I was so excited and knew something good was going to happen when Dad came in with a smile that lit up his whole face.  He wanted me to come outside.  He had something to show me. 

 

The POPE - Columbia Model

I had wanted a bicycle, a real bicycle, for a long time.  I was always a short little kid but I wanted a regular size bike.  Matter of fact, there weren’t many, if indeed ANY, little bikes back then.  I doubt that training wheels had ever even occurred to the folks at Pope or Schwinn.   This was a time when there were no bicycle helmets, no extreme playground safety devices, no real worries about kids getting hurt.  If you fell down, you got up, if you skinned your knee, you got over it!!!   If you got a bike, it was get on and ride!!!! 

As we stepped outside, Dad leading the way, there it was!!   My eyes really popped open when I saw that beautiful red Pope Columbia bicycle.  I guess it really wasn’t all that pretty to some people. It was a used bike, paint not so shiny; a little worse for wear, but it was priceless to me.  

Now you’d have to picture that bicycle with me standing beside it. The bicycle was as tall as I was.  Picture a little guy whose legs couldn't reach both pedals at the same time, seesawing left to right as the pedals traveled up and down.     It proved to be quite a challenge for me to negotiate “mounting up” when my Dad wasn’t there to help. I developed a system where I would push the bicycle over to a fence, climb up on the fence, jump onto the bicycle and pedal away as quickly as possible. When it came time to stop I would slow down the bike and just as it began to teeter I would jump off and the bike would crash.

In today’s antiseptic, “don’t hurt yourself Johnny” society the neighbors may have  called the police on my Dad, locked him up and put me in Child Protective Services,  for putting me in a situation where I could learn by trying, maybe failing, then trying again. But I made it work and I loved him for it.  These lessons were so helpful later in life in the military and in business where sometimes you "just gotta’ climb that fence, jump on and pedal…",  you’re on your own, No Coddling!!!  

To me, his most wonderful example of fatherhood was that he didn't set up limitations for me. The red Pope was a bike that was available, he wanted me to have it, and he was confident that I could handle it. Isn’t it wonderful when parents don’t limit their children by their own narrow, fearful  or constricted thoughts? Dad knew that I had enough intelligence to make decisions for myself.

Times were tough in the United States following the Wall Street crash and subsequent depression and World War II, forcing Dad to quit high school in the tenth grade to help support his family.   Everyone had to pitch in to support large families.  

But, Dad didn’t recognize that obstacles were in his way.  With only a limited formal 

Paper Machine - Dad's Specialty

education he worked hard, became a mill manager in the paper industry and ended up as Manufacturing Vice President for a prominent paper manufacturer. An entire chapter of the book “Paper with Presence”, a history of the Gilbert Paper Company was devoted to Dad and his talent and skills as he became the first person from the large corporation that bought Gilbert Paper Company to go into that newly acquired company and take over operations. The chapter was titled, not surprisingly, “The Diplomat”.  

It was probably a miracle that I had this man for my Dad.  There had been incidents when things could have gone the other way. For example the time when I was helping him shingle the roof. I was pretty young but he let me carry a few shingles at a time up the ladder to the roof. On one occasion just as I was climbing up the wooden ladder he had set up on the roof, Dad hit his finger with a hammer and he shouted out a bad word.  My rather injudicious response was to scramble down the ladder as fast as I could, yelling at the top of my voice to my Mother that Dad had cursed.    It could have turned out a lot worse.   I have always respected him for not throwing me off the roof when I sheepishly rejoined the project!!

When I was in trouble, infrequently but too often for Dad, he was always there, supporting, encouraging trusting.   He exemplified the description one Cardinal made of Pope Francis, “Setting an example of wisdom and humility.” 

As I have learned more about God, the infinite Father/Mother, from whom all life and being originate, I see how much Dad reflected those nurturing qualities, and how much greater are those "fathering" attributes of our Creator.  I can see how completely we can trust our Forever Father, and All we need to do is ASK.. and then LISTEN.   Jesus painted a picture of God as a giving, loving, comforting, always available presence when he compared dads to God:   “what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?  Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?  If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”   Matt 7:9

Thanks Dad, for being an example, a gentle, constant beam of God’s Love, shining brightly in a small child’s life, and glowing even into maturity.  God must love me very much to have made me your son.     And… Thanks for the bike!!!

PURSUING OTHER OPPORTUNITIES

The news report showing a picture of a well-known CEO who left a major company some weeks ago said that he “resigned to pursue other opportunities”.    Sometimes these articles say “She left to spend more time with her family” or “He left due to ill health.”  For those of us who have been there, we know that he was probably terminated. 

I know so well the feeling of “pursuing other opportunities”, the standard phraseology for “we dumped him”!! I have been in the same wing-tip shoes, not as a top-level CEO but just as a person who was trying to do a good job but, through political circumstances, found that I was being separated from the company.

I didn’t leave my job to pursue “other opportunities” or any of the above “make everyone feel good” reasons. I was 

T E R M I N A T E D!!!!!!

The position I had held was a responsible one, managing a large operation, multiple million-dollar projects, pressure, deadlines, long hours. To an observer it appeared that I held a very good position, but in all honesty, I was not enjoying it. 

 

As I passed by a local country club golf course each morning on the way to the office, workers were mowing the grass, tending the fairways and the greens, and my thoughts turned to how fortunate they were, how I would love to have a job that was well-defined, that had less pressure, that was something I would really enjoy. But nonetheless like so many others, feeling chained to a position, I dutifully drove on to the office and faced the task each day. 

The job loss was a shock, of course, but after a

short period of feeling 

sorry for myself, blaming the company, my manager, bristling with all of the self 

justification arguments that people conjure up, I finally woke up. This was getting me nowhere.

From that moment I knew that whatever else I did, my new and most important job was being the full-time representative of my Father, God, who “owns the company” so to speak. In the end, I report only  to Him, and it is a lifetime, an eternal position!! I saw that my job had resulted in my neglecting the most important thing, listening to God, I had fallen behind in staying in tune with my spiritual heritage.  I quickly saw that this termination was really a blessing, a reminder that the important thing is to listen.

So, I got up every morning, put on my suit and tie, prepared for work expectantly, since someone might want me to start immediately!  Then, each morning, I asked God to lead me, to point me in the direction that I should walk that day. A Bible companion book I rely on, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures has this assurance: Desire is prayer; and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires, that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and in deeds.*   I have found that prayer is actually a process of listening, not telling. God, the spiritual source of our being, has ALREADY supplied us with all good, and prayer, when we LISTEN, brings us into harmony with what God has ALREADY done, FULL EMPLOYMENT! 

Those thoughts that just seem to pop up in thought have an actual intelligent source, divine Mind, God. Jesus pointed out a practical fact about existence and employment when he said:

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” **  THAT was my inspiration. By virtue of my “being” I was taken care of by the Father.

I did make phone calls and sent out resumes, but not with the feeling of desperation or discouragement, even after some weeks, but patiently seeking the right path. I prayed to know that my true employment was in reflecting Godlike qualities no matter what other human activities were required;  that sometimes obstacles lie in our path but that they are opportunities to overcome and to grow.   Moses had to go through the Red Sea as part of his search for a homeland; David had to go fight a giant named Goliath; Daniel’s work was interrupted when he was sent to the lions den. I too had my task, why should I complain? 

Many people go from job to job over the years thinking of  their life of work as a "sentence”,  as punishment!! 

Breaking out of the rut, enables many to finally realize that life does not have to be years of a “nose to a grindstone” experience, but can provide opportunities to be inspired and to inspire others, to be fulfilled and to fulfill the dreams of others, to give of our very best talents. We find avenues to share undiscovered talents and abilities, hidden for years beneath the layers of convention, of “fitting in’, following the expected, sometimes the mundane and often the boring existence laid upon us.

Looking back over their careers, people of all walks of life have found that their most precious memories are not of business or professional success, wealth earned, status gained, but fond memories of people who have helped and been helped along the way, treasured moments of friendship and comradeship, cherished instances of comforting someone, or being comforted during troubled times.

How do we do that? By realizing that whatever our daily work includes, our real and eternal employment is serving as proof of God’s presence, the outcome and reflection of God, just as rays of the sun serve to convey the Sun’s qualities to earth. The Sun’s rays do not get up every morning and wonder what their job is, or if they will lose their job!! Their job is to shine, to reflect the qualities of their creator, the Sun, they are there to warm the earth, to feed the crops and animals and all life with sunlight. And our task is to shine as rays of love and comfort to the world.   Continuous employment!!

           

With this new inspiration, I let go of the worry, the “what will other people think” thoughts, the disappointment in self, the questioning of why and, with joy, pursued "Other Opportunities!"

God had a plan and a path and it unfolded to me in tangible ways. I was led to form a business with my next-door neighbor and this led to eventual employment by a major corporation in the same industry.

When we are employed by God, when we see our life not as a daily drudge, carrying out human activity to earn a paycheck, nor walking towards old age, but see our role as individuals who are living to reflect goodness, mercy, tenderness, selflessness, lending a hand to those in need, our employment is full-time and overflowing.   In that same textbook, Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy observes: To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, today is big with blessings"!!! ***

God is looking for applicants. No experience necessary.

*      Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures - Mary Baker Eddy

**    The Bible  Matthew 6:28

***  Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures - Mary Baker Eddy

Doesn’t that make you ANGRY???

There it is AGAIN!! I thought I had put that to bed once and for all!! But, Nooooo! Here it is again, that urge to react, to respond with anger, to fight back

The voice on the other end of the phone didn’t even say Hello when I answered… just..  “Who do you think you are” the irate voice, dripping with venom nearly jumping out of the receiver.

WOW. That was a shocker. It took me a moment to settle my thoughts after after a most troubling conversation. As a member of a local volunteer group I had recently agreed to help a friend by advertising an upcoming charitable event on our organization’s web site.  

Unknown to me, another group was participating with him in the endeavor and apparently this caller thought I was trying to "horn in"!! I had no idea anyone else was even involved and was certainly not trying to “take credit” for it, as the caller had howled!!
That call did me a big favor. Time for self examination.. AGAIN!!   Don’t we all need to revisit who we think we are, maybe frequently, and this call was a catalyst. 

Who Do I Think I Am?  Am I a person who reacts to anger? A person who needs tit-for-tat, whose pride and self importance are so stiff that I can’t bend in humility when challenged? 

I asked myself, "Am I a person that has to get back, to get even, to be hurt, upset, to react in like manner?"   I didn't really like the answer I was getting back from myself.  At that moment I was hurt, insulted, bewildered, submerged in a pool of self pity, injustice and resentment.  I was ANGRY.

That one conversation has been so beneficial.  It helped me see that anger is not a solution, but a trap, a venting of self righteousness, not productive, not endearing, not a way to elicit cooperation, not a pathway to clear thinking nor positive results.

Truly "Anger, is the nemesis of all ages". And yet how very popular it is. There’s certainly no shortage of opportunities to get plain old MAD!! In newspapers, television and on the internet we see that anger is boiling over in Brazil, Egypt, Syria and Turkey. There is anger in Washington and across the country  over many issues.  

 

Even here in my neighborhood in the North Georgia mountains,  the local newspaper reports an uproar over topics ranging from animal control to outrage over the local farmers’ market being kicked out of its normal place in the City Park. So many reasons to be ANGRY!!

TV networks seem to love anger... they report a terrible story and then invite us to “get angry, get upset, get irate.”

”Weigh in”, they say.  "Join in the conversation, give us your comments”.  And we are tempted to fall for it. As they stir the pot, we get agitated and upset, and like a pesky fly, buzzing around your face until you finally get fed up and smack yourself in the face trying to get that fly, and… voila… you hurt yourself!!! That's anger for ya'. I am hoping I am not the only one that has done this dumb trick!!

I recall a statement by Katharine Graham who led the Washington Post for two decades and wrote a Pulitzer Prize winning memoir. Her memorable quote is

The longer I live, the more I observe that carrying around anger is the most debilitating to the person who bears it.

Oh Katherine, how well you put it. Your statement speaks volumes.

Now, of course, we all have opinions on topics of interest. Our own human experience has shaped our thoughts but in truth, anger is not really necessary.  Seth Gordon a marketing consultant recently wrote a short blurb in which he said that "Anger is a habit", a habit he calls 'a thoughtless response to an incoming trigger.'”

The most successful people in the world have been able to overcome the tendency to "thoughtless responses" and having their thinking clouded by anger. 

Jesus of Nazareth, as described in the Bible, advised us to turn the other cheek when confronted. This was not a sign of weakness, but exhibited a profound understanding that things that make us angry are distractions that would pull us away from our true selfhood, the image of Love,  the likeness of our Creator.

Relating back to my air-traffic control days I remember when a plane was in an emergency and needed to make a gear up landing, we always foamed the runway. As the plane approached and touched down metal to concrete, instead of a shower of sparks the foam smoothed the way, lessened the friction, removed most of the danger, prevented fires from erupting due to the sparks hitting fuel leaks.

I’d like to share my little list of reminders, my "Foam the Runway" thoughts that help me avoid getting angry, serve to dampen the sparks that would ignite discord, disappointment and ill feelings.  They are taken from The Bible. These “helpers”, provide guidance, as follows: 

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”   “Leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”  “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.”

Feel free to use that checklist every day.  If we would find life’s peace, inner calm, and a joyous existence, we can turn off the TV of anger and enjoy the sweet classical music of peace.

A nineteenth century theologian, Mary Baker Eddy, faced incredible challenges in her life as a woman in a what was at that time strictly a man's world in religious circles.  Her calm and tenderness are good examples  for us all and she urges us to pray for patience, in the following, quoted from "Blessings of Forgiveness": 

Ask to be made patient    

And loving when persecuted…
Ask to be gentle tempered

And delivered from all anger
Or spirit of revenge.
Ask for this daily bread to feed you. 

 Mary Baker Eddy

And finally, maybe the most helpful for me, when I feel that old temptation rising to get angry, I hear the gentle but firm voice of my wonderful Mother, calling softly from the past, ‘Patrick, you know better than that.” "Yes, I do. And thank you Mom. I’ll try to do better.”

Train Up a Father

It’s Father’s Day again and once more I think back over the years and the lessons that I have learned.

There’s a Bible verse which promises, “Train up a child in the way he should go,  And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)   Now with all due respect to the writer of that wonderful verse in Proverbs, after raising four children I might add to it,  “Train up a Dad in the way that he should have gone in the first place,  and when he is old he will remember the lessons.”  I have found that most of the lessons to be learned are the Dad's.

I sometimes marvel that I made it through those years. There were many wonderful moments but some filled with anguish, bewilderment, impatience, anger, self righteousness, hubris, and finally love. I love our daughters and sometimes they weren’t angels, but I think being the father of a son is a more difficult task, and I have a doozy, named Kevin.

My wife and I just returned from visiting with him in Charlotte, North Carolina earlier this week.   We hadn't seen him for quite a while and we particularly wanted to see the new store, " Carolina Furniture and Collectables"  that he opened recently.    A few months ago, after years of doing almost every job imaginable, he finally settled on opening up a furniture and collectibles store and it is something to see. I was so proud to see him in that environment and delighted with all that he has accomplished.

Now I have always known that Kevin is an indomitable sort. He is innovative and imaginative. Who else but Kevin could pull this off.   Having returned to the United States from my home in Kuwait for a very short visit just to get married, Gail and I were in our hotel room in Las Vegas the evening following the civil ceremony.  The phone rang in our hotel room and it was Kevin calling to say Congratulations.  That may not sound too unusual but he had no idea where we were staying, and there are quite a few hotels in Las Vegas, like a million!!!

While I was a little disturbed at him calling on our wedding night, I was secretly sort of proud that he was able to pull a Sherlock Holmes and find us in that maze of hotels when no one in the world knew where we were.  A resourceful salesman type, like his Dad!!!!

Kevin has always been adroit and imaginative, though.  Fathers’ Day tradition brought back memories of when he was pre-teen while we were living in Melrose Mass.  Maybe all Dads have stuff like this happening but Kev is my only son.    One day we returned home from a trip to the grocery to find a large mirror in shreds on the floor.   We had left the four children there by themselves trusting Melanie, the oldest, to run a tight ship. Seeing the shattered mirror on the floor and going into third-degree questioning mode finally resulted in a confession from that self-same son!!  He reluctantly admitted that he had done it,  but, with an ingenious bent, responded that he was throwing a shoe at his older sister, and she had ducked!!  So it was her fault. Fair enough.  That explains everything!!

A few years and many other indescribable escapades later,  at about age 12 he had gone to a party, a short walk 2 blocks up East Foster Street.  He left home at about seven o’clock and we were surprised that he was home just after eight PM.   He was obviously distressed.   In full Dad Confessor mode, I got him aside and asked what had happened.  He said that shortly after he arrived at the party they served refreshments in the party room in the basement.   The parents then had gone upstairs and left the group of about 16 boys and girls alone in the basement.  When the parents were gone, someone turned off most of the lights and boys and girls sort of paired up and started playing kissing games.   WOW.  Getting juicy!!  I asked if he had kissed any girls.  He indignantly replied “NO”.  “What did you do?”  I asked innocently.  He said, “I ate all of the sandwiches and came home!!”   TRULY his Dad’s boy!!

But the supreme example of resourcefulness might have occured one day some years earlier when we lived in Melrose Massachusetts.   The family was attending a swim meet where two of our daughters were competing.  The YMCA was only about 2 blocks from our house and my son decided he wanted to stay home.  We gave him ORDERS not to leave the house.   

Part way through the swim meet everything came to a halt, there was a bustle of activity and all swimmers were called out of the water.  Amid much seeming confusion, we observed the officials having conversations and scanning the audience with concerned looks. The meet was at a dead stop.  

Then one of the officials went to the microphone and made a hurried announcement.  “We just received a call and there is an EMERGENCY!!  Will Mr. or Mrs. Collins call home immediately?!!”    With Kevin’s face coming up on my ‘Dad Worry Screen’ I thought  “WHAT NOW”,  I ran down to the pay phone and called home. Kevin answered calmly.  I screamed into the phone, “Are you alright? What’s the problem?  What’s going on?”   

Kevin nonchalantly said,  “Oh Hi Dad, thanks for calling.    Is it all right if I go across the street to Robert’s house to play?”   Now, here I was, my heart beating fast, the officials peering down the hall anxiously awaiting word as to what could possibly have caused this emergency call, interrupting the City Swim Meet, where hundreds of people were gathered, I tried to look cool.    After calming myself, deciding to postpone the kick in the pants that I promised was in his future, then telling Kevin it was all right to go too Robert’s house, I turned to the officials and assured them that everything had settled down and the emergency had passed. Still shaking my head weeks later I had to admit that the boy had all the instincts of a first rate salesman and would probably meet world famous sales professional and inspirational speaker  Zig Zigler at the Top someday.  He would definitely be able to get through to a CEO to make a sale with that kind of courage and creative thinking.

Over the years I have learned to use some of these experiences to  examine life and its lessons more from a spiritual viewpoint.  That special relationship of Dad and Son  has eternal roots.  It applies to daughters too of course, but in this case let me talk about sons.

 You see, the challenge is trying to be as loving and forgiving as our heavenly Father.  Jesus recognized that mere human fathers would not be, could not be, the equivalent of the heavenly Father, the Creator who is described in the Bible as seeing only his pure, perfect Creation, as Habakkuk has it:  Thou art of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity:  HAB 1:13

Now about training up the father,  being a good Dad is about doing our best, about learning love, about learning trust, about seeing through the human frailties, the errors, mistakes and  temptations that would so easily distract us from our true heritage...   and about forgiveness.   When I see people using genealogy research to find out their family line, their human heritage, I am reminded how temporal this mortal existence is and that our true heritage is in God, the perfect Father. As a matter of fact Jesus said: “Call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.”  But I can see how the earthly father/son relationship parallels the true eternal relationship of Father/Son… The loving, caring, respect… the guiding, the listening, the joy and trust. 

I gladly relinquish the name of father to my Heavenly Father,   Kevin’s real Father and everyone’s real Father, and gratefully settle for being called Dad, the Dad that loves his son and his daughters and has learned a lifetime of lessons from being blessed by their presence.  Thanks Kids, for being all that a dad could ask for!!