Dad and the Pope and the Pope

"He is complete simplicity; down to Earth, a man with the people. I know him," a CBS News Vatican consultant told CBS News shortly after Pope Francis appeared. On that exciting day recently the world's 1.2 billion Catholics welcomed a new leader. He will be known henceforth as Pope Francis Bergoglio's chosen name, Francis, a nod to the patron saint of Italy, Saint Francis of Assisi.

I am not of the Catholic faith but I watched with a warm heart and admiration for this humble man as he took office and immediately demonstrated that he was his own man, not necessarily tied to convention as he put his own imprimatur on the office.

All of the talk about the Pope brought to mind the excitement of a day years ago, a day when I met another Pope.  I was so excited and knew something good was going to happen when Dad came in with a smile that lit up his whole face.  He wanted me to come outside.  He had something to show me. 

 

The POPE - Columbia Model

I had wanted a bicycle, a real bicycle, for a long time.  I was always a short little kid but I wanted a regular size bike.  Matter of fact, there weren’t many, if indeed ANY, little bikes back then.  I doubt that training wheels had ever even occurred to the folks at Pope or Schwinn.   This was a time when there were no bicycle helmets, no extreme playground safety devices, no real worries about kids getting hurt.  If you fell down, you got up, if you skinned your knee, you got over it!!!   If you got a bike, it was get on and ride!!!! 

As we stepped outside, Dad leading the way, there it was!!   My eyes really popped open when I saw that beautiful red Pope Columbia bicycle.  I guess it really wasn’t all that pretty to some people. It was a used bike, paint not so shiny; a little worse for wear, but it was priceless to me.  

Now you’d have to picture that bicycle with me standing beside it. The bicycle was as tall as I was.  Picture a little guy whose legs couldn't reach both pedals at the same time, seesawing left to right as the pedals traveled up and down.     It proved to be quite a challenge for me to negotiate “mounting up” when my Dad wasn’t there to help. I developed a system where I would push the bicycle over to a fence, climb up on the fence, jump onto the bicycle and pedal away as quickly as possible. When it came time to stop I would slow down the bike and just as it began to teeter I would jump off and the bike would crash.

In today’s antiseptic, “don’t hurt yourself Johnny” society the neighbors may have  called the police on my Dad, locked him up and put me in Child Protective Services,  for putting me in a situation where I could learn by trying, maybe failing, then trying again. But I made it work and I loved him for it.  These lessons were so helpful later in life in the military and in business where sometimes you "just gotta’ climb that fence, jump on and pedal…",  you’re on your own, No Coddling!!!  

To me, his most wonderful example of fatherhood was that he didn't set up limitations for me. The red Pope was a bike that was available, he wanted me to have it, and he was confident that I could handle it. Isn’t it wonderful when parents don’t limit their children by their own narrow, fearful  or constricted thoughts? Dad knew that I had enough intelligence to make decisions for myself.

Times were tough in the United States following the Wall Street crash and subsequent depression and World War II, forcing Dad to quit high school in the tenth grade to help support his family.   Everyone had to pitch in to support large families.  

But, Dad didn’t recognize that obstacles were in his way.  With only a limited formal 

Paper Machine - Dad's Specialty

education he worked hard, became a mill manager in the paper industry and ended up as Manufacturing Vice President for a prominent paper manufacturer. An entire chapter of the book “Paper with Presence”, a history of the Gilbert Paper Company was devoted to Dad and his talent and skills as he became the first person from the large corporation that bought Gilbert Paper Company to go into that newly acquired company and take over operations. The chapter was titled, not surprisingly, “The Diplomat”.  

It was probably a miracle that I had this man for my Dad.  There had been incidents when things could have gone the other way. For example the time when I was helping him shingle the roof. I was pretty young but he let me carry a few shingles at a time up the ladder to the roof. On one occasion just as I was climbing up the wooden ladder he had set up on the roof, Dad hit his finger with a hammer and he shouted out a bad word.  My rather injudicious response was to scramble down the ladder as fast as I could, yelling at the top of my voice to my Mother that Dad had cursed.    It could have turned out a lot worse.   I have always respected him for not throwing me off the roof when I sheepishly rejoined the project!!

When I was in trouble, infrequently but too often for Dad, he was always there, supporting, encouraging trusting.   He exemplified the description one Cardinal made of Pope Francis, “Setting an example of wisdom and humility.” 

As I have learned more about God, the infinite Father/Mother, from whom all life and being originate, I see how much Dad reflected those nurturing qualities, and how much greater are those "fathering" attributes of our Creator.  I can see how completely we can trust our Forever Father, and All we need to do is ASK.. and then LISTEN.   Jesus painted a picture of God as a giving, loving, comforting, always available presence when he compared dads to God:   “what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?  Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?  If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”   Matt 7:9

Thanks Dad, for being an example, a gentle, constant beam of God’s Love, shining brightly in a small child’s life, and glowing even into maturity.  God must love me very much to have made me your son.     And… Thanks for the bike!!!

Train Up a Father

It’s Father’s Day again and once more I think back over the years and the lessons that I have learned.

There’s a Bible verse which promises, “Train up a child in the way he should go,  And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)   Now with all due respect to the writer of that wonderful verse in Proverbs, after raising four children I might add to it,  “Train up a Dad in the way that he should have gone in the first place,  and when he is old he will remember the lessons.”  I have found that most of the lessons to be learned are the Dad's.

I sometimes marvel that I made it through those years. There were many wonderful moments but some filled with anguish, bewilderment, impatience, anger, self righteousness, hubris, and finally love. I love our daughters and sometimes they weren’t angels, but I think being the father of a son is a more difficult task, and I have a doozy, named Kevin.

My wife and I just returned from visiting with him in Charlotte, North Carolina earlier this week.   We hadn't seen him for quite a while and we particularly wanted to see the new store, " Carolina Furniture and Collectables"  that he opened recently.    A few months ago, after years of doing almost every job imaginable, he finally settled on opening up a furniture and collectibles store and it is something to see. I was so proud to see him in that environment and delighted with all that he has accomplished.

Now I have always known that Kevin is an indomitable sort. He is innovative and imaginative. Who else but Kevin could pull this off.   Having returned to the United States from my home in Kuwait for a very short visit just to get married, Gail and I were in our hotel room in Las Vegas the evening following the civil ceremony.  The phone rang in our hotel room and it was Kevin calling to say Congratulations.  That may not sound too unusual but he had no idea where we were staying, and there are quite a few hotels in Las Vegas, like a million!!!

While I was a little disturbed at him calling on our wedding night, I was secretly sort of proud that he was able to pull a Sherlock Holmes and find us in that maze of hotels when no one in the world knew where we were.  A resourceful salesman type, like his Dad!!!!

Kevin has always been adroit and imaginative, though.  Fathers’ Day tradition brought back memories of when he was pre-teen while we were living in Melrose Mass.  Maybe all Dads have stuff like this happening but Kev is my only son.    One day we returned home from a trip to the grocery to find a large mirror in shreds on the floor.   We had left the four children there by themselves trusting Melanie, the oldest, to run a tight ship. Seeing the shattered mirror on the floor and going into third-degree questioning mode finally resulted in a confession from that self-same son!!  He reluctantly admitted that he had done it,  but, with an ingenious bent, responded that he was throwing a shoe at his older sister, and she had ducked!!  So it was her fault. Fair enough.  That explains everything!!

A few years and many other indescribable escapades later,  at about age 12 he had gone to a party, a short walk 2 blocks up East Foster Street.  He left home at about seven o’clock and we were surprised that he was home just after eight PM.   He was obviously distressed.   In full Dad Confessor mode, I got him aside and asked what had happened.  He said that shortly after he arrived at the party they served refreshments in the party room in the basement.   The parents then had gone upstairs and left the group of about 16 boys and girls alone in the basement.  When the parents were gone, someone turned off most of the lights and boys and girls sort of paired up and started playing kissing games.   WOW.  Getting juicy!!  I asked if he had kissed any girls.  He indignantly replied “NO”.  “What did you do?”  I asked innocently.  He said, “I ate all of the sandwiches and came home!!”   TRULY his Dad’s boy!!

But the supreme example of resourcefulness might have occured one day some years earlier when we lived in Melrose Massachusetts.   The family was attending a swim meet where two of our daughters were competing.  The YMCA was only about 2 blocks from our house and my son decided he wanted to stay home.  We gave him ORDERS not to leave the house.   

Part way through the swim meet everything came to a halt, there was a bustle of activity and all swimmers were called out of the water.  Amid much seeming confusion, we observed the officials having conversations and scanning the audience with concerned looks. The meet was at a dead stop.  

Then one of the officials went to the microphone and made a hurried announcement.  “We just received a call and there is an EMERGENCY!!  Will Mr. or Mrs. Collins call home immediately?!!”    With Kevin’s face coming up on my ‘Dad Worry Screen’ I thought  “WHAT NOW”,  I ran down to the pay phone and called home. Kevin answered calmly.  I screamed into the phone, “Are you alright? What’s the problem?  What’s going on?”   

Kevin nonchalantly said,  “Oh Hi Dad, thanks for calling.    Is it all right if I go across the street to Robert’s house to play?”   Now, here I was, my heart beating fast, the officials peering down the hall anxiously awaiting word as to what could possibly have caused this emergency call, interrupting the City Swim Meet, where hundreds of people were gathered, I tried to look cool.    After calming myself, deciding to postpone the kick in the pants that I promised was in his future, then telling Kevin it was all right to go too Robert’s house, I turned to the officials and assured them that everything had settled down and the emergency had passed. Still shaking my head weeks later I had to admit that the boy had all the instincts of a first rate salesman and would probably meet world famous sales professional and inspirational speaker  Zig Zigler at the Top someday.  He would definitely be able to get through to a CEO to make a sale with that kind of courage and creative thinking.

Over the years I have learned to use some of these experiences to  examine life and its lessons more from a spiritual viewpoint.  That special relationship of Dad and Son  has eternal roots.  It applies to daughters too of course, but in this case let me talk about sons.

 You see, the challenge is trying to be as loving and forgiving as our heavenly Father.  Jesus recognized that mere human fathers would not be, could not be, the equivalent of the heavenly Father, the Creator who is described in the Bible as seeing only his pure, perfect Creation, as Habakkuk has it:  Thou art of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity:  HAB 1:13

Now about training up the father,  being a good Dad is about doing our best, about learning love, about learning trust, about seeing through the human frailties, the errors, mistakes and  temptations that would so easily distract us from our true heritage...   and about forgiveness.   When I see people using genealogy research to find out their family line, their human heritage, I am reminded how temporal this mortal existence is and that our true heritage is in God, the perfect Father. As a matter of fact Jesus said: “Call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.”  But I can see how the earthly father/son relationship parallels the true eternal relationship of Father/Son… The loving, caring, respect… the guiding, the listening, the joy and trust. 

I gladly relinquish the name of father to my Heavenly Father,   Kevin’s real Father and everyone’s real Father, and gratefully settle for being called Dad, the Dad that loves his son and his daughters and has learned a lifetime of lessons from being blessed by their presence.  Thanks Kids, for being all that a dad could ask for!!